Muis, my lovely old lady died last night at around 9pm and I don’t know why it happened.

She was absolutely normal on Sunday … she happily ate her chicken in the morning, she lapped up her smoothy with the others, she had all her supplements without a hitch and she wanted to be picked up and cuddled when I went to bed.

I did notice that her body felt quite warm when I had her next to me in bed, but she didn’t appear to be unhappy or distressed so I didn’t think anything more about it.

I know my subconscious registered the fact that she didn’t do her usual 3am nose dive into the food dish and it was the silence which kinda niggled in my mind. Then around 4am I heard a strange noise so I turned on the light and found her lying flat on the floor near the chest of drawers.

This was not a good sign, so I picked her up and brought her to bed with me but she didn’t want to stay so I gently put her down and she scurried around and then pooped. It was a very small, black blob and that got all the alarm bells ringing. I then followed her as she staggered all the way to the kitchen and did a small piddle, moaning as she relieved herself.

I knew it was bad so I picked her up and took her back to the bedroom, crying, and this woke Philip up. He saw Muis looking floppy and thought maybe it was a blood sugar crash but the fact that she was moving around meant that I knew it wasn’t.

Anyway, she went downhill from there. I was going to take her to the vet for her final injection but by 7am her little body was cool to the touch and her paws were icy, so I knew it was just a matter of time before she passed over to the Bridge.

Remembering how it was a similar thing to when Kaos crashed, I decided not to take her to the vet and just make her comfortable in the drawer so she would slip away quietly.

That was a very stupid move on my part.

She was lying with her neck arched, eyes closed, lips and nose white from anemia, and she was obviously in a coma but didn’t seem to be in any pain. I kept willing her to go and play at the Bridge with the others but she didn’t.

I finished my work at midday and she was still breathing, so I put her on a pillow and sat down with her on my lap and just stroked her gently, telling her it was okay to go and see Kaos and the others who were waiting for her.

She was still with us when Philip got home from work and I was really fretting about how much longer she would resist letting herself go. I was tempted to ring the vet and take her down there but if I moved her pillow, she’d groan and I didn’t want to add any further stress to the whole ordeal so I thought I’d just keep her with me and surely she’d go soon.

By the time I was ready for bed, Philip and I thought the best thing was to put her on the bed on her pillow and for me to just keep doing what I was doing, talking to her, stroking her head and just urging her to leave.

About an hour after I got into bed, she suddenly screamed a long, loud, almost primordial scream. Kahlua, Angus and Seamus rushed onto the bed, all in a very distressed state at the sound, so I had to get Philip to take them and shut them in the bathroom.

It was a terrifying sound and both Philip and I felt sick not knowing why she was doing this. Was she in agony? What could have happened? Did her tumour suddenly burst and that was the reason she was screaming?

She kept on screaming and I held onto her and was trying to calm her down, with no success. Philip threw his clothes on over his PJs and said he was going to ring the 24 hour vet and take her down there as we had no idea how much longer this would go on for and if she was in pain, we had to do something.

Just as he went to get the phone, she suddenly stopped screaming and died in my arms.

I was practically hysterical by this stage and felt absolutely awful that I hadn’t taken her to the vet early in the morning. Had I known that she would do this, of course I would have taken her hours ago for her final injection, but she looked so much like Kaos did and it was only a couple of hours before Kaos passed away peacefully that I never expected Muis’s passing would be different.

After we wrapped her up and put her in the cat carrier in the spare room, I started wringing my hands and fretting about what could have caused this sudden collapse and long, drawn-out death.

I know I didn’t miss any vital signs telling me she wasn’t herself but I was so worried that maybe I had given her too many supplements to keep her well and it made things worse instead of better. But logic told me that if the supplements weren’t agreeing with her, surely I would have noticed a change in her condition.

Oh it was an awful, really, really, awful experience and one I wouldn’t wish any other ferret owner would ever have to go through.

I know a 1cm tumour is pretty big to have on the pancreas of a small ferret and perhaps if I hadn’t put her on the various supplements during the year we might have lost her sooner. But I still find myself hoping that I didn’t do anything to hurt her and make her suffer like she appeared to at the end.

I shall miss the old girl so much. She was such a sweetheart and so affectionate and even when she was sick, she’d always come into the study when I was working and stretch up my leg, saying she wanted to be picked up. When I got her in my hands, she’d shower my face with kisses – it was almost as if to tell me she was happy.

I am picturing her playing at the Bridge with Bonnie her all-time favourite pooch, Kaos, Snoopy and all the others who’ve gone ahead, happy and pain-free.

I am so looking forward to seeing her again and having her chewing on my earlobes and pulling the hair out of my head, like she loved doing when she’d come onto the bed at night.

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Philip buried her in the garden this morning and I will get a special flowering plant so that every time I see and smell the blooms of that particular plant, I’ll know that Muis is smiling down at me from the Bridge.

RIP my lovely little girl :(
Muis 2002 – 2009

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Filed under: Adrenal Gland Disease • Ferret Illnesses • Insulinoma in Ferrets • Rainbow Bridge

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